An adult son who doesn’t work, what should he do? Adult son
I kindly ask you to help me make a decision in a difficult situation that has been going on for more than five years.
I’m stating it very briefly, like many - from an empty account...
I have an adult son, he is 25.
A young man plays (world of war craft). Doesn't work, doesn't study.
At different times, he received all kinds of support from his relatives so that the young man could get an education and a profession. But the institute was abandoned twice (the budget and the restoration paid for by me to a paid department), plus a couple of years ago, shortly before graduation, the commercial university he had chosen, where he could quickly master the profession he had also chosen, was also abandoned (he was disappointed, did not like the teachers, etc.). P.).
UPD: it all started in the first year of the institute. I passed the first session the second time with excellent marks, the second - already with difficulty and retakes in the fall. I stopped studying in my second year - virtual life replaced the real one.
The character and attitude towards loved ones has changed.
As a child, he was a very good guy - interesting, inquisitive, empathetic, attached to his loved ones.
I was involved in swimming, sambo, snowboarding, roller skating for a long time, loved a dog, had good friends.
went with me to volunteer in orphanages. I read a lot.
Now he is a person with a completely different character. it’s very difficult to talk - you have to wade through the meaning of each phrase, in which there are clouds of vague hints that he understands what’s what - in such a global sense. he has a very good tongue, but after five minutes of conversation his brain explodes in attempts to get to the meaning of what was said, to return to the mainstream of the conversation. At first he gives the impression of being smart and well-read - then you quickly realize that this is all multi-layered demagoguery about nothing.
sports, friends - no. Interests: chess, philosophy. if he doesn’t play, he can watch movies for hours, analyze chess games, listen to some philosophical lectures. As far as I can see it in rare short visits.
We do not live under the same roof, because... From a certain point, living together turned out to be completely unbearable.
Conversations were held, conditions were written down, etc., but the young man crap around himself in layers and did not clean up, did nothing (he skipped college - went to play with a friend at that time), did not work and constantly lied enchantingly.
At some point, the resource ran out, and the young man went to live with his dad. Then to grandma. Then he returned home, but all hell broke loose again. In short, as soon as the opportunity arose, he was given a separate one-room apartment in a very good area of Moscow.
Now she is a terrible, creepy sight. Broken furniture that should be thrown in the trash, but this is not done. Mountains of garbage, dirt, etc. The refrigerator does not work, the hot water does not flow.
From time to time, the boy found a job or a part-time job, but he either did not stay in one place for more than a month and a half, or was unable to go to work at the appointed time (played at night and slept in the morning). He didn’t like the job of a waiter, which I got him for through a restaurant director I knew – it was hard and the pay was low.
Summons from the military registration and enlistment office regularly arrive, but the young man does not want to serve. And if he doesn’t want to, then he shouldn’t, in his opinion.
It is extremely difficult to talk to him. The person has an extremely high opinion of himself, and if you try to convey to him your vision of the situation, he behaves extremely arrogantly and boorishly.
I tell him that I am ready to help in every possible way and do anything for him - provided that he admits that there is something wrong with him and he needs help. Just as always, she said that she was ready to help in every possible way - but only if he tried to do something himself.
Actually, having gone a certain way in realizing and accepting this situation, I understand perfectly well that my son has serious problems, most likely this is a certain degree of mental disorder, but everything is fixable and solvable - if only his personal will and desire are there. No specialist can help “from photographs”. And if a person wants to live like this (from hand to mouth, in a pigsty, idle and alone) - this is his conscious adult choice. And for a long time, in general, I tried my best to leave him alone, giving him the opportunity to learn to live an independent adult life, solve his own everyday and social problems and take responsibility for himself. Supporting only minimally, so that the person understands that there is no freebie, and I am not a sponsor.
However, today I grabbed a certain “last straw”. I found him a part-time job as a courier, quite stable. She promised to buy a travel pass as help, and also bring some things. Arriving at the apartment, I ran into a neighbor who told me that my son several times left notes for neighbors like: “Help. I am hungry". Moreover, this same neighbor’s situation is not the best - exactly the same adult boy, only he’s also a drug addict, sits on her neck. Therefore, a note was left to the third neighbors - from behind whose doors I heard the voices of small children.
It was a shock for me. There were situations when my son called that he had nothing to eat. I bought the simplest products for two weeks and took them, or called his father and asked him to do it.
The young man always has his Internet and phone working. And he can, at worst, call me, his father or his grandmother so that they can bring him food. But when a healthy, strong young man leaves a note at the door of neighbors who have small children, instead of looking up from the computer and going to earn a piece of bread - for me this is a wild situation.
I’m very upset and I can’t help but think that I can’t just look at all this anymore.
I would like to hear an opinion from the outside - especially from psychologists, psychiatrists or just smart people - what to do about this?
Continue to be “left alone”, waiting for him to grow up and turn from I don’t know who into a good person?
Delivered with a police squad to the military registration and enlistment office?
Evict from the apartment - to worse conditions / to the street / to your father?
Something else?
Nothing?
Help me understand what to do? (((
UPD2: I am looking for a good psychotherapist/psychiatrist for travel and further (hopefully) work (in Moscow).
Many parents face the problem of an adult son's reluctance to work and provide for himself. The young man does not want anything, is content with little, and categorically refuses to look for any useful occupation. At best, he sits days and nights near the computer, at worst, he drinks and goes out with friends. What to do, how to make a guy come to his senses?
There are constant scandals and showdowns in the house. Parents are trying to remove an overgrown child from their allowance and evict them from shared housing. Such methods rarely lead to a positive result. The reasons are in the guy's character, lack of motivation to achieve, poverty of interests. What to do ?
Step 1 . Establish communication and create a safe space
If the young man is mentally healthy, such behavior testifies about huge personal problems. Something was missing in childhood or adolescence. Maybe the parents were busy with work, maybe sorting things out - it doesn’t matter anymore. There is no need to blame yourself. What happened has already passed. We need to try to improve our relationship with our child now.
Start building a relationship with him. Relationships are communication. Mutual support in everything. Mutual interest in each other's lives.
Explain to him that you are not able to cover all his needs, but you will make sure that he does not go hungry. Hard stick to this rule. Food is free, everything else has to be earned. Try to agree on a division of household chores. If he refuses, put it off until better times.
Step 2. Be interested in his hobbies
Be interested in what excites and interests him. It doesn't matter that your son's hobbies seem childish and empty to you. Ask questions, delve into it, find out how his affairs are progressing. Celebrate your success, even if it's taking your game to the next level.
Start the custom of having dinners and lunches together. Talk to him yourself, talk about your life, ask his opinion. Encourage him to share. Take small steps and gradually. Your goal is friendly partnerships.
Step 3. Include in the common life of the family
Once you feel that the goal has been achieved, start moving forward. Any family is a system that has its own way of life and material support. So that she functioned, there are a lot of things to do.
Agree with your son that he will take on some of the responsibilitiesmyself. Make it clear that you are confident that he can handle it. Offer to choose an area of work that he wants to take control of: cleanliness in the house, cooking, pets, shopping, and so on.
You may have to start small. For example, he wants some dish, offer to cook it together. Let him know that you appreciate his help. Make the cooking process fun and interesting. Make him feel like a winner. He must understand what he can do and feel pleasure from his achievements.
You will have to act gradually. Be patient if something doesn't work out. Look for something to praise for. It is important to show a strong emotional reaction to success or even the intention to help.
Organize common holidays. Give your son the opportunity to prove himself. Show him your pride in his success. This strategy is designed for young children, but if this was not done at one time, you need to work now.
Step 4. Develop interest in yourself and other people
Constantly ask your son questions about his preferences. What he likes, what he loves, what causes irritation. Carefully try to awaken interest in the life around you.
To do this, use the old proven method - gossip. Nothing interests people more than other people's troubles and mistakes. Tell stories about your life. Discuss mutual friends and colleagues. Don't neglect artists, stars, famous people. Gossip, gossip, gossip...
Talk not only about events and actions, but also about possible motives. Ask the question: “Why did he (she) do this?” and answer it yourself. By doing this you will expand his understanding of the environment and people.
"Play" in psychological tests. Now on the Internet you can find many techniques on a variety of topics. Start testing yourself and get your son hooked on this hobby. Switch from frivolous jokes to professional questionnaires. This will help dispel the fog of the inner world and better understand yourself. Don't forget to discuss the results together.
Step 5: Engage Motivation
Motivation is what makes us move. If there is action, then there is motivation. Motivation is dreams. Everyone has them. Big or small. Someone wants a beautiful car, someone needs the best computer, and for someone, travel is their dream.
Work on motivation is carried out in several stages:
1 . Talk about it. Tell me what you want and ask your son.
2 . Demonstrate using your own and other people's examples that desires are achievable.
3 . Learn to achieve your desires. Show in simple things how a desire (dream) turns into a goal, how is being developed a plan, means are sought, actions are taken and a result is obtained. Gradually involve your son.
4 . Emotional the reaction to achievements should be bright, the praise should be sincere.
Step 6. Look for a job together
By this stage, socialization within the family is completed and further advancement into society begins. With the advent of normal relationships with others and with oneself, conscious needs should also appear. It's time to look for a job.
Life experience and special resources will tell you how to do this. But the first service is not always successful. Here it is important to be there and support in everything. Be prepared for the fact that this is a long process. Thus, to solve the problem of an adult son’s reluctance to work, you will have to:
1 . Go back a few years in your upbringing to fill in the gaps in socialization.
2 . Establish a relationship with your son.
3 . Lead him into the adult world responsibility.
4 . “Include” in the life of the family, and then the rest of society.
At all stages, you can and should use the help of a psychologist. Start with personal counseling. Understand a little about your communication problems and build interaction with your child.
In society, it is considered normal for children to begin an independent life when they become adults. However, not in all cases such an event occurs by itself. Some adult children have to be pushed to finally step up and take full responsibility. Many parents strive to help their children and do this for a very long time. It happens that an adult “child” is already over thirty, but he lives like a carefree eighteen-year-old student, without thinking about his future life and building his own family. Separation from father and mother may never happen. Why change anything if everything suits him anyway? At home, mom will always prepare a delicious lunch and feed her “baby,” wash the clothes, iron them and neatly put them on the shelf.
Unfortunately, the problem of infantilism among those who are already over twenty is not uncommon. Some people, having become adults, do not dare to be independent. When their son doesn’t want to work, parents clutch their heads and don’t know what to do. At the same time, as it turns out, an over-aged “child” does not want to receive an education, and sometimes, under the guise that he is “studying,” he continues to enjoy life without straining himself at all. Here you cannot do without the wise advice of a psychologist. Only a competent specialist can help you understand the situation and suggest an important thought. Before taking active steps, you need to know the reasons why a young man or woman refuses to get a job. Then, armed with knowledge, you can do something.
Causes
What can serve as a sufficient reason for an adult son or daughter to spend time idly, as if they were in childhood? This approach to life cannot be called serious; it rather indicates emotional and social immaturity. Infantilism in adults is manifested by the inability to take responsibility for their actions and actions. It is not uncommon to see adult men approaching thirty still living with their parents and in no hurry to start their own families. At the same time, they do not want to invest in the family budget. Why is this happening? Let's try to figure it out.
Low requests
Some people want to achieve a high position in society, while others are satisfied with the very minimum that fate can offer. Not everyone feels the need to purchase expensive things, clothes, and accessories. For some, the bare minimum is enough to feel happy and calm. If a person has low demands, then he will not strive to earn good money. A personality is able to develop only in a situation of limitation, when basic needs are not satisfied. If parents provide everything for a young person, then he will not strive for independence until an unmet need appears. That is why it is extremely undesirable to spoil a child while he is growing up, to fulfill all his whims.
The advice of a psychologist will be useful to those who intend to actively act in order to radically change the situation. The situation when a son or daughter, having reached adulthood, sits on the parent’s neck, cannot be happy. Such unsettlement of one’s own child upsets and disappoints the mother and father, makes them doubt themselves and look for mistakes they once made.
Diffidence
It stems from a feeling of helplessness. If a person, having reached a certain age, does not grow up in time, then no one can force him to do it. He simply will not find the strength within himself for further changes, in order to decide on global and decisive steps. Self-doubt can poison anyone's life and hinder personal development. When a daughter who has reached the age of majority does not want to work, it’s not so bad. In the end, a girl can get married successfully and live off her husband’s income. In the event that a guy refuses all employment, then you need to sound the alarm. The young man must learn the responsibility that he will later take for his own family. If he is so dependent that he cannot bring himself to get off the couch and start doing something, then there is no hope for him in the future. Lack of self-confidence usually gives rise to numerous other problems.
Excessive shyness
Sometimes it can be quite difficult for a young person to start an independent life because of the fears that trouble him. He may suffer greatly from the fact that he is unable to organize his life properly and achieve the desired goal. In this case, parents need help with advice and guidance for their son. If the reason is that the young man has no desire to deal with difficulties, he needs to be forced to overcome his shyness. Such stiffness in adulthood only gets in the way. Infantilism must be prevented, not allowed to grow. If the son does not cope with difficulties in time, then he will not be able to take responsibility for all the events that occur. Talk to your grown child, explain why it is important to get on your feet in time and be independent, give practical advice.
Prolonged search for oneself
Typically, youthful quests end by the age of twenty-two. At this time, there is a need to do something for themselves, young people rush to separate from their parents. If this does not happen, there is a serious reason to think about the well-being and maturity of a person. If a son or daughter does not want to work, there is definitely a reason for this behavior. The position may be dictated by the need to find oneself in an interesting and creative activity. However, if the search continues for years and does not lead to anything definite, then this is a reason to think deeply. In many cases, young people simply do not know how to realize their own interests and abilities, so they are ready for a long time to justify inaction as bad luck or failures.
The fear of losing comfort is a childish position that is not characteristic of an adult. If there is extreme lack of independence, then you cannot limit yourself to advice alone. It is necessary to take concrete steps forward.
Failure to plan
Sometimes it happens that an adult man does not have basic skills. He not only does not want to live at his own expense, but also to do something useful. Here, even the strictest parents are unlikely to be able to force him to come to his senses. The inability to plan and the lack of habit of conducting everyday affairs turn a young man into a weak-willed and socially helpless creature. Under no circumstances should you indulge his weakness, otherwise you will have to support such a “child” for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, very often the lack of desire to improve one’s life is associated with a number of other problems: alcohol, smoking, computer games and complete inactivity. Bad habits tend to become stronger over time.
What to do
It is very difficult, almost impossible, to force an adult to work when he does not want to. The fact is that a mature personality wants to manage his life independently. Most likely, the grown-up offspring will rebel in every possible way and show an extreme degree of indignation. Despite all the dissatisfaction, parents should act as straightforwardly and firmly as possible. Otherwise, you will never be able to remove the overgrown fellow from your neck, who lives for his own pleasure and does not want to change anything.
Thoughts about the future
If you don’t know where to start a conversation with your son about his employment, then it’s best to start thinking about the future. During such conversations, it will become clear what he dreams of, what plans he has. Before bringing serious accusations against a person, it is necessary to listen to him and give him the opportunity to explain himself. Who better than parents to know their child? When a person tries to hide something or provoke a quarrel, it is quite noticeable and immediately catches the eye. Joint thoughts about the future will help the young man make up his mind, and parents will better understand him.
Don't give money
If there is no way to influence the adult son, all that remains is to limit his support. What does it mean? You just don’t need to give him money for pocket expenses or food, then he will be forced to start providing for himself. As a rule, such a serious step forces an adult man to move and do something. Self-reliance begins with making the right decisions. Let the son be indignant and offended now, but then he will sincerely thank you for the lesson taught. Of course, it is better if awareness comes earlier. There is nothing worse than war with your own child. Mutual reproaches and accusations can ruin relationships for a long time. It is necessary to approach the matter responsibly, explain tactfully, but firmly.
Conclusion: an adult, be it a man or a woman, must separate from his parents in time and acquire financial independence. A grown child should not be allowed to take advantage of the kindness of his father and mother.
Irina Grabovskaya
Hello, Olga Sergeevna. I have two adult sons and now I have a conflict situation with the eldest. He is 22 years old, a year and a half ago he dropped out of university after studying for 4 years. Almost all he had to do was defend his diploma; he did not want to explain the reasons to anyone from our family; when asked what he planned to do next, he answered that he would work. We all hoped that over the summer months he would change his mind, but more than a year has passed and he does not want to continue his education. The conflict arose over his categorical refusal to look for a permanent job. During the time that has passed since he left his studies, he worked part-time 2 or 3 times for 1-2 weeks, spent the rest of the time practically resting, two months ago he entered a design school and pays for it himself, since none of his relatives wants to pay for his education. I omit the description of my emotions in relation to these two problems. But I understand that these emotions prevent me from behaving correctly, drawing the right conclusions, I don’t know what to do, please help me with advice.
Hello Irina. I understand your difficult feelings about your son, your anxiety and possible fears. You should not omit them, as their careful consideration will allow you to find answers to the question “how to behave correctly?” First, let's clarify your situation: now your son is studying at a design school, and he pays for his studies himself - this looks like an independent act of a person who is responsible for his life. What exactly is worrying you right now? In the title of the letter you wrote: “The adult son does not want to work.” Are you worried that he doesn’t want to work now, while studying?
Irina Grabovskaya
Hello, Olga Sergeevna. I'll try to clarify my question. My son is in his second month of studying at design school, and he left university a year and a half ago. He always answered my (and not only mine) questions about getting a job that he was looking for one. When I asked my friends and acquaintances to help, I immediately received two offers. But the son does not call there, is not interested in either the work schedule or the amount of payment. I was surprised and asked why he was doing this, he replied that he was sure that this job was not suitable for him. This is strange, since he did not find out anything, did not even talk about the meeting. This is very strange, I think it's almost an excuse. I tried to put pressure and heard the answer: “I’m not going to work now. When I need a job, I’ll find it.” Frankly speaking, it’s unpleasant for me to support an adult man, albeit an independent one, working in two places. If we live in the same place, how to build relationships further? I hope that I have helped you understand the essence of the conflict. Thank you,
This is happiness... This is what all mothers think when they hold their baby for the first time. However, time passes, the periods of “tummies” and “tooth teeth” are replaced by bumps and bruises, followed by strikes regarding studies and the first romantic (and not so romantic) experiences.
And when it seems that the child has finally matured, many are in for an unpleasant surprise: it turns out that the folk wisdom “little children are little troubles” is completely true. Your adult son has begun to cause you much more trouble than he did as a child.
Rudeness and secrecy
More often, mothers complain about their sons’ rudeness and their secrecy. A young man or man categorically does not want to trust them with his experiences, but a mother’s heart is sensitive and senses all the changes in the life and behavior of her beloved child. Patience lasts for a couple of days, but then the mother begins, and sometimes does not stop, trying to talk heart to heart.
It seems that everything is fine, because the questions are quite innocent - “how are you” or “what happened”, and the time was chosen right, right after dinner... But for some reason the son at first remains silent, and a little later he begins to be insolent or openly rude, and only tears come His mother’s eyes stop him for a moment. What's wrong?
The solution to the problem of rudeness is simple: remember that you are a girl and he is a boy. The difference in age or social status means absolutely nothing; masculinity or femininity is nature itself. And she endowed her creations not only with a different set of chromosomes, but also with completely different hormonal levels.
Due to testosterone and adrenaline, men are more impatient, aggressive and unyielding. “Pour out your sorrows” is for young ladies, and not for the sons of Mars: they are generally sure that conversations about mental balance are complete nonsense, and they do not consider this a problem.
Now let’s practice: imagine that you are being pestered with the question “Why wash the dishes?” You hinted three times that the topic is not interesting to you, moreover, you are terribly tired of it. The question is repeated again, but with a different sauce: “Why wash the dishes?”, and so on ten more times.
How will your patience be tested? Either run away, or “explode” and send your opponent somewhere, but away from you. This is how an adult son feels after “how are you” and “what happened.”
What to do? Be patient and remember that your child is already an adult. He can solve his problems on his own, and heart-to-heart conversations are deeply alien to men. It is clear that such a simple action is difficult to perform, but a normal mother has a very trained nervous system.
You will have to again put yourself and your experiences first from the end, and make an obvious and very unpopular decision - not to interfere in a man’s personal life, even if he is your son.
Doesn't want to work, demands money
How do the classics say, “work makes horses die”? And you, mom, are still alive?.. Believe me, your parasite son knows very well that in any case he will receive food and shelter, even if he does nothing. After all, you love him so much that you forgive absolutely everything! Dear baby, he just hasn’t matured enough to understand that a man should provide for his family, he’s in such poor health...
And his nerves are very bad, he is always so worried about failures to find a job... The boss, a nasty guy, did not forgive him even the little things... Sound familiar? Apparently yes. Like? If “no,” we look for a way out; if “yes,” we continue to feed and love, hoping for the best.
What to do? First: first we finish lisp. The child is fully formed physically and mentally, ready for all situations, including supporting himself and helping you. This is important to understand. Second: we mercilessly break the comfort zone that envelops your son. To do this, we change our behavior, preferably radically - we stop indulging in whining and, at a minimum, cut down portions for lunch.
The most important thing: be sure and demonstratively reduce your work activity! Let him wash his own socks, wash the dishes and cook if your cooking no longer suits him. Otherwise, he will grow dirty and lose a little weight, and after listening to your complaints about the lack of time and money for the hundredth time, he will at least start running outside and breathing fresh air.
Jokes aside: a woman, even if she is a mother, is obliged to keep a man in good shape precisely due to her weakness, otherwise there may be nothing left of his credo. Would you say it's tough? But it works.
I started studying, but suddenly stopped going to classes
What is the reason? I liked it and didn’t like it... You won’t believe it, but that’s exactly how it is! Men always do only what they want, unlike women who do what they are obliged to do, literally in the “background”, without even noticing. Do you think a lot about the dishes when you wash them? You're probably humming songs or remembering things you haven't done yet.
And a man completely devotes himself to any activity, with all his soul and body. If he doesn’t like it, and the background mode, characteristic only of the female psyche, “does not turn on,” then the representative of the stronger sex begins to skimp like a first-grader and run away from the unpleasant task or sabotage its implementation.
What to do? Try to help your son find the attractive aspects of studying. Naturally, from his point of view, and not from yours. You know your child, you know his system of material and spiritual values. It sounds pompous, but in fact there is no better way to say it. For example, he loves sports cars. Strengthen your motivation, first give a model of the desired brand, let him admire it.
Wait a little, then drop a couple of phrases like: “You know, I saw Vitya’s mother today. He has already completed his studies and was hired, he earns decently. He’s going to buy a car... How quickly time has flown by!” Or something like that, but always with a slight sigh at the end and a phrase about time.
For what? Your son will think a little about the car, but Vitya and he actually studied in the same class, and your grades were better. And then there’s “time flew by quickly.” Conclusions: he is no worse, and even much better than Vitya (rivalry), he needs to study (otherwise he won’t see the desired car), and some discomfort with studying is worth it, especially since the time until the diploma will pass very quickly (the comfort zone has been restored). So the scheme is simple.
My son doesn't leave the computer, he plays constantly
Life in the virtual world attracts with limitless possibilities, and almost no effort is required, except maybe clicking a mouse... If “in real life” your adult son is dissatisfied with himself, does not receive or is unable to receive what he (in his opinion) deserves, then leaving in virtuality is natural.
Toys with gorgeous graphics, friends and clans, omnipotence. Even if they kill you, it doesn’t matter, there are lives left; the girl went to her rival - nothing, the lioness from the neighboring pride has been making eyes at her for a long time...
All problems in the painted world are solved simply, unlike in the real world, and nothing is scary. Moreover: even your name is made up, you can change it at any time, and no one will recognize you. Mistakes are forgiven, retribution is symbolic, and life is eternal. Who would refuse this? That is why adult sons choose the game in order to prolong the period of irresponsibility and impunity, as in early childhood. Why?
Because they are afraid of irrevocability, which is so characteristic of the real world. The dead friend cannot be returned, the girl has left for another and also cannot be returned, years pass and change the world, which will never be the same. It's scary, needless to say. But you won’t be able to play hide and seek with yourself forever; sooner or later you will have to emerge and look reality in the eye. Cowardice is the most terrible sin. This is what Yeshua said in Bulgakov, and life confirms this.
Of course, you shouldn’t talk so harshly to your son about his temporary weakness, but the truth is that your child is afraid to live. What to do? Remember the times when you punished him for mistakes or criticized his appearance, compared (not in his favor) with other boys. Perhaps you are an overly domineering mother who has repeatedly encroached on his independence and ended up with a computer zombie...
If it’s not too late, try to awaken a taste for life in your son. Remember what he really loves and values, and remind him of this without criticizing and joining him in his current world. To get started, just put aromatic tea and something tasty, definitely smelling nice, next to your computer, and leave silently.
You can feel the smell without looking at the bun, and take your mind off the game a little. Next time, stay and exchange a few phrases.
Everything resembles taming, small steps to restore trust. And if your son trusts you, he will go: first by the hand, like a little one, and then into life.
Then let him go on his own, and you will be happy for your adult son... Good luck to him and to you.
